


Late Night Conversation

by fmpsimon



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 08:02:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20060704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fmpsimon/pseuds/fmpsimon
Summary: What was he nervous for? He’d faced much worse than this in his short stint in the Scouts. Maybe it was how ridiculous it all was…like how he was ignoring orders because he wanted to check on the girl, lying awake in that cell, all alone. No. No, he was checking on them. If it was both of them, he would have to admit that after all this time, even though it made absolutely no sense, even though it was downright dangerous…he was still in love with her.





	Late Night Conversation

He must have turned around, paused, or stopped in his tracks at least ten times on his way down to the holding cells, each time trying to convince himself what a stupid thing he was doing. They were being punished and he had been told that no one was to go down there for any reason. But Levi and Hange had already bent the rules a little to let Armin in, so maybe it wasn’t such a big deal. As he descended, he was struck by how quiet it was. The only thing he could hear was the sound of his own footsteps on the stone steps, and now the drumming of his heart in his ears. What was he nervous for? He’d faced much worse than this in his short stint in the Scouts. Maybe it was how ridiculous it all was…like how he was ignoring orders because he wanted to check on the girl, lying awake in that cell, all alone. No. No, he was checking on _them_. If it was both of them, he would have to admit that after all this time, even though it made absolutely no sense, even though it was downright dangerous…he was still in love with her.

She saw him before he saw her. “Jean. What are you doing here?” He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. It had only been a few days, but she looked like a ghost: pale and thin, her face ashen against the white gown.

“Wh-when’s the last time you ate?” he finally stammered.

She shrugged, pulling her knees in closer to her chest. “I haven’t really felt hungry.” Her eyes flicked back toward the opposite wall of the cell. “I’ve been too anxious about Eren, I guess.”

“Right,” he said through gritted teeth. As much as he tried to push those feelings to the bottom, that old jealousy always seemed to bubble to the top. “We all are,” he managed to continue sincerely. “But you should eat. Here.” He pulled out a dinner roll and held it out to her. He would be damned if he was going to make it easy on her. No, she was going to have to get up. “Take it. It might be a little stale, but it’s something.” She didn’t move, but she was watching him now. “Look, I’m not leaving until you take it, so you’d better get up.”

“Fine.” She stood up and shuffled to the door.

He could see her in a better light now, but it only made her look worse. “You look like shit.” She looked up at him, lips parted in surprise, however small. “I get that you feel like you _owe _him something, but you’re not helping anyone by starving yourself.”

“All right,” she snapped, snatching the bread from him. “I get it.” She tore into it, greedily wolfing it down as if she hadn’t eaten in days. He suspected she hadn’t, and silently watched her. When she was finished, she wiped her mouth on the back of her hand, staring at him. “Thank you.”

He nodded and his breath caught in his throat when she turned to sit back down. “Mikasa!” he said, grabbing a hold of the back of her dress. She turned her head and he let go. “I…I’m worried about you.” He paused, then continued, “For a while, there, everything was happening so fast. Reiner and Bertholdt, Shiganshina, what we found in the cellar…None of us stopped to think, because if we did…if we did, we might not have been able to muster the courage to keep moving forward.” He took a deep breath and exhaled shakily. “But now, here we are, waiting for the next thing to happen, and I can’t help but wonder if we made all the right decisions.”

“Are you saying you would have let Armin die?” she asked fiercely.

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “Armin’s saved my life more times than I can count. There’s no doubt in my mind that he’s a genius.” He put a hand to his forehead, while the thoughts swirled around his head, making him dizzy. “What we uncovered…there’s no going back from that. Whatever was normal before was thrown out the window when you opened those journals. It’s just…” he choked, suddenly gripping the bars of the cell, “you’re not the only ones struggling right now! Even if I’m not Eren,” he added softly.

“I’m sorry.” He felt a cold hand on his own. “We’re all dealing with this…in our own ways, right or wrong.” She glanced over at the adjoining cell wall, where Eren was sleeping. “After everything we’ve been through, I feel like I can’t reach him anymore.”

He forced a wry smile. “Still seems like the same old bastard to me.” She frowned but didn’t move her hand. “I know you’re always worried about him, but look at it this way: now he’s got the memories of his father. That’s got to even his odds a little, right?” He was supposed to be comforting her, but he was totally blowing it. He felt the color rise to his cheeks as they stood there silently. Something about the moment, about how they had both expressed their own vulnerabilities to each other in the darkness, about how close they were to each other right now—he just wanted to tell her how he felt. “Mikasa, I…”

Suddenly someone else’s footsteps echoed all around them. Jean whirled around just as Armin appeared in the doorway. “Good morning,” he yawned. “Oh, hi, Jean.” Armin smiled sleepily.

“Couldn’t sleep!” he said quickly, answering a question that hadn’t been asked. “I’d better go.” Without another glance at either one of them, he headed back up the stairs. He was sweating. He’d almost said something he would have certainly regretted. If Armin hadn’t shown up right then…

It was for the best. He kept telling himself that throughout the day, but when night fell again, he found himself walking the same path to the cells, a roll from the evening meal clutched in his hand.


End file.
